Holding Pattern

In my immediate circle of friends there is a lot going on – joyful, devastating and just plain difficult. And none of it is my story to tell. For once, our life seems fairly stable in a holding pattern of sorts. I dread the potential fallout from even typing such a thing. For someone who believes in Jesus and trusts her life to Him, I fear tempting fate a little too much. For instance, I don’t want to have another kid because the two I have are so wonderful, I know I must have a dud coming my way. Just kidding. There are no duds with kids, but please don’t tell me that we don’t all have fears when it comes to making more babies. I think when we are blessed, we sometimes fear that something bad is coming our way to balance it all out.

It’s the fear of disrupting the peace that ultimately leads to hurt. God blesses his people so that they will bless others. By just sitting on what we’ve been given, we end up smooshing it and making it stinky. This thought has been in the back of my head for sometime now. It’s beyond the whole “nothing great comes without great sacrifice” mentality. It’s more about truly believing that first of all, God delights in me, and second of all, He won’t call me to scary places without giving me the strength to go there – in friendship, in ministry, in love.

God doesn’t operate in terms of Karma and cosmic balance. All things are to bring him glory and to bring us to knowledge of him. When I try to keep the balance and keep the peace, or when I live in fear of having my tables turned, I’m failing to open myself up to His presence and His glory. It’s like I say to him, I really like this pallet tree fort you built me, so I think I’ll pass on the Swiss Family Robinson tree mansion just in case my fort goes up in smoke the moment I step out of it. (I totally hope there are awesome rope swings in heaven.)

I’m not inviting hardship by any means. Please, Lord, keep my children healthy and safe, let my husband thrive, and keep me sane. But prick my heart. Let it feel You. Let it see you.